Real Pairings of Dgrayman
by Rail and Tracer
Summary: A dumping ground for humorous little drabbles of the 'real' pairings of D.gray-man. Read and enjoy. More stories with more pairings and crack, what more could you ask for?
1. TimcampyxKandas Gollem

Ok, this is the first story of our joint account! Rejoice!

Oh yeah, obligatory disclaimer: We do not own -man and make no money from this.

This right here is going to be the dumping ground for our crack pairing drabbles. There are at least 71 of them, though not all have been written yet we're hoping to make it that far.

Anyway, first one we chose to share is TimcampyxKanda's Gollem.

You know it's true love.

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22. TimcampyxKandas Gollem

Link awoke to an odd sound. That wasn't very uncommon being in Allen Walkers room, but this sound was odder than normal. There were less sexual sounds and more...he wasn't sure how to describe it.

Sitting up from his bedroll he looked down his body to his feet, where the sounds were coming from. Feeling something brush against his foot he resisted the urge to squeal like a little girl and quickly threw back the blanket and pulled up his legs to stare incredulously at the sight before him.

"T-Tim...?" he stuttered, looking at the golden gollem. But it wasn't alone.

Squinting in the semi-darkness he recognized it. 'That's Kanda's gollem.' he thought and frowned as the two rubbed against each other and Tim...

Was Timcampy purring? Link shuddered.

Gollem sex was not anything he wanted to think about though it would explain why the golden gollem was getting bigger...

He shuddered again breaking off his thoughts and stared in shock as Timcampy opened...her(?) mouth and began chewing on, eating Kanda's gollem.

As the last of the black wing finally disappeared Link whispered, "Black widow."

He never slept soundly around Timcampy again.

~End


	2. KandaxWomanliness

Since the first one came off so well we decided to put up another crack pairing drabble for your reading pleasure.

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71. KandaxWomanlyness

"Oh my god my hair!" Was the first thing Lavi heard when he opened the door to Kanda's room.

When his eyes finally registered what he was seeing he wished he had taken up Allens offer to go to breakfast early.

"Kanda...have you been meditating with Lenalee again?" Lavi asked slowly, trying to think of a way to back out of this.

Kanda turned around furiously, swinging his hips wide as his knee length dress swished happily into place. He flicked his head moving his bangs aside and used one hand to flick his hair over his shoulder. He looked at him with a dramatic pout showing the lipstick, lipstick, he had put on to match his eyeliner.

Lavi was sure he was going to faint in about two seconds.

"What do you want, or get out." Kanda said and Lavi was reminded almost of Eliade when she had first seen them. He only hoped he didn't follow her antics of bending over and blowing him a kiss. He would have heart failure.

"Uh, um.." Lavi stuttered, watching in horrified fascination as Kanda pushed the spaghetti strap of his dress back on his shoulder. "I should go to breakfast you look fab."

With that he fled, not looking behind him. He vowed to never go to Kanda in the morning again.

~End


	3. CrossxHammer

Whoo! Another one! We're just on a roll. :3

15. CrossxHammer

During Allens training he had seen his master wield many things. His gun, Maria's powers, a knife, his wits, and most recently...a hammer.

It seemed to fit strangely well with his personality. Cross seemed to just fit with a cig, a bottle of booze, and a hammer.

Sometimes Allen would walk in after a long day of training (see gambling and running for his life) to see Cross curled up in a corner, talking to and petting the hammer like a favorite pet.

It made him nervous when Cross would notice him and and stop for a second, looking between the hammer and Allen with a wicked little grin on his face.

He knew that something horrible (odd) was going to happen right when one day, after telling Allen all about the Order he took out his hammer and started talking to it.

"You see love, this is what we've been discussing. I'm sorry, I really do love you but after this we'll just have to say goodbye."

Allen was to stunned to dodge the blow that knocked him out.

~End


	4. DoorxKanda

Number 17: KandaxDoor/DoorxKanda  
You all will know this door if you've watched the anime.

Insanely short but oh well enjoy.

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It didn't know who this man was, or when it had gained the ability to think and feel either. All it knew was that he was really really pretty and god he was coming over here! The door felt a warm hand on it and suddenly it swung open and hit it's new crush in the face. The poor man held his face and shook in silent anger. It didn't mean to hit him! That man over there made him by pulling the switch!

The door watched in despair as its crush stomped out of the room with the others fallowing amused by the display of anger. The poor wooden door was left alone again wanting for its love to come back.

It was later destroyed when the mansion collapsed after the gray haired man summoned a giant fist.


	5. 14thxAny Reflective Surface

Just another random upload for our crack pairings xD

14thxAny Reflective Surface

Allen twitched. Whoever had thought it would be 'fun' and 'a good idea' to go to a funhouse, a place with a hall of mirrors had been completely off their rocker.

So here he was. Lost in a maze of mirrors with only the 14ths reflection to keep him company.

He looked around again. Maybe it was a little too much company.

The shadow was being it's usual smiley self, but instead of just sitting there smiling it was doing...other stuff.

Allen flinched as the shadow stroked the glass and brought his face forward, closer to the surface. Allen briefly wondered if he saw himself in the reflection, or if he just had a complex. Seeing things out of the corner of his eye, well, right in front of him (stupid house of mirrors) made him want to get out right now.

Closing his eyes he somehow managed to stagger out, his friends wondering why he looked so horrible.

When he got back to the order he immediately covered all reflective surfaces.

Two weeks later when a mirror dropped, shattering into a million pieces in front of Allen the poor cursed boy took half a look and fainted dead away.

~End


	6. LenaleexClipboard

Hello once again, sorry for the delay in our fics we got busy, anyways we have a crackfic and another one in the works to apologize.

Enjoy~

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Clipboards were wonderful things; they did a number of tasks. Held your papers, could be a makeshift tray for coffee if someone had decided to steal the other ones, could be a stopper for bookshelves, hold your pencils and clobber people over the head.

Which is why Lenalee loved hers so much, she was always busy and needed a tool that could handle many tasks ranging from the mundane to the strange. She carried paperwork and coffee to the departments and many times had to keep stacks of paper from falling on top of people, on occasion she had to beat Kanda over the head with it to keep him from killing people or to stop him and Allen from fighting and occasionally to put Lavi in his place.

She treasured this tool and gave it proper care like it needed it was important to her after all.

"Goodnight, we'll have a very busy day tomorrow."

And no, talking to it before bed was not strange at all.


End file.
